Part of the Bingemans Big Splash TV, billboard and radio pitch. Won, never produced.

‘At your peril’ (30 Seconds)

Open to family of four eating at dinner table. The kids are bored. Little girl picks up her glass of water as if to take a drink, hesitates, then pours it into lap of her young brother next to her.

Cut to father coming in front door from work, calling out, ‘Hi everyone, I’m home!’ Bucket rigged on door dumps a full load of water on him. Bucket then falls, landing perfectly on his head. It has a happy face drawn on it in marker.

Cut to parents sitting in living room, reading newspaper. They hear kids screaming with delight outside house. Curious, they go out for a look. Kids have completely filled the family convertible (its top down) with water from the garden hose and are playing in it. Dad says, ‘What the…?’ Kids freeze in silence, busted.

VO: Parents: Ignore the signs at your peril.

Cut to quick cuts of kids playing at BBS.

VO: Kids need Bingemans Big Splash, in a big way.

(Supers, mnemonic)

Final: Hose falls out of car, nozzle opens as is hits ground, sprays parents.

‘There is hope’ (60 Seconds)

(SFX: Sad piano music)

We slowly zoom in on the face of a pudgy, 11-year-old boy, unenthusiastically playing a deeply moronic computer game in a grungy basement rec-room. As VO progresses, a series of shots: the kid’s chubby fingers moving toggles, him reaching for a Big Gulp-sized pop, all in slow-motion.

Sensitive female VO: Does your child suffer from electronicitis gizmosis? This tragic, debilitating syndrome affects thousands of innocent children and their families annually. EG keeps children locked indoors within darkened, often foul-smelling, rooms, preventing their developing bodies from receiving the fresh air and exercise they need to grow up strong and healthy, both physically and mentally.

Still on kid, eating potato chips, spilling them down his T-shirt.

VO continues: Until recently, there was no definitive cure. But thanks to the commitment and hard work of the Bingemans Big Splash Research & Development Team…

We cut to serious lab technicians in white coats. They’re soaking children, making water travel along tubes and contraptions and conducting important-looking experiments with scale models of BBS water slides and rides.

VO: …there’s a bright ray of hope for those affected by this terrible disorder.

Cut to kids having a blast at BBS, as uptempo music plays in background.

VO: Help us fight electronicitis gizmosis. Bring your child in for a treatment today. It’s affordable, convenient and you’ll notice a huge difference immediately.

VO: Bingemans Big Splash. Helping kids, and families, stay happy and healthy.

(Supers, mnemonic)

‘Early adulthood’

Various scenes of kids playing it straight in adult roles.

First is a girl dressed up as a CEO, berating a boardroom full of scared adult execs in suits, ‘You got two weeks to improve on these numbers!’

Cut to a boy behind the wheel of a car. He’s in a suit, take-out coffee in one hand, hopelessly stuck in traffic gridlock, leaning on the horn and yelling ‘Come on! You drive like my mother!’

VO: Kids can’t wait to grow up. But until they do, there’s Bingemans Big Splash.

Quick cuts of kids having fun at BBS, getting soaked.

(Supers, mnemonic)

Final: Boy squirming as his credit card is cut in two by a snooty waiter in a posh restaurant, as real adult female hot date looks on, unimpressed.

‘Back to the water’

(Upbeat music)

A series of shots of a 11-year-old boy going through his day, noticing his body changing.

First he scratches his side, notices something, lifts his shirt, sees a small pectoral fin protruding.

Cut to him scratching the back of his neck, and finding the beginnings of a dorsal fin emerging. He’s curious, but not worried.

Fade to same kid taking off his socks as he goes to bed, he notices webs between his toes and then his hands. He tests them out, looking pleased.

Cut to him bodysurfing with the agility of a fish in the BBS wave pool.

VO: We come from water. It’s time to go back.

(Supers, mnemonic)

Final: Brushing his hair in the bathroom mirror, kid sees that gills have begun to form behind his cheeks. He tries them. They seem to work. He laughs, which reveals a full set of triangular shark’s teeth.

I came up with the idea for Mutineers about five years ago, pitched it everywhere from Discovery to the BBC. No one got it or wanted it. Then, in Feb this year, Peace Point Entertainment Group, called me back. The world wants shows about real characters now, they said. So I wrote a little demo and we went out and shot it. They’ve had encouraging nibbles, and the pitching process continues.

Another no-budget classic from my time at BBDO Singapore. I like the mnemonic at the end though — which I had nothing to do with.

I put together this spot for BBDO Singapore in the darkest days of the ’97-’98 Asian super-meltdown. Neighbouring Indonesia’s president was toast, as were its jungles — I had woodsmoke drifting through my living room for 8 months. Asia’s stock markets crashed 10-15% daily for weeks on end, corruption running amok, banks and insurance companies vapourizing, riots, mass rape, oil spills, Islamic terror on the rise. Damn I miss it.

The footage was Pizza Hut stock sent from the US, the budget was about eight bucks and the word edgy was just entering the local lexicon. I knew an African American blues singer working Papa Joe’s nightclub and asked him if he’d sing the a rap tune for the ad. He did a great job, as did the music guy whose name I’ve forgotten at Video HQ Singapore.